i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
