Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
