Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
