when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
