i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
