Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
