remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
