Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
