i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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