Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
