there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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