Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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