If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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