I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize