On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize