she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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