a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
