It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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