I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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