i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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