took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
