i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
