What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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