Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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