your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
