I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
