i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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