i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
