i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
