She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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