You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He has the fingertips of a God
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
