I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
