I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
