can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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