i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
