there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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