I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
