Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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