I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
