you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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