its not stalking. its research.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize