This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
