I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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