wakey wakey hands off snakey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
