wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
