i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
