Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
