Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
