How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
