What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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