false alarm. still invincible.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
