chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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