btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
