peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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