The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
