I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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