I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
