ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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