In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
