I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
