I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
