he wants to bone in the snuggie
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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