should my penis look like a turkey
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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