How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
