i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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