I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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