Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
