so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
