My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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