And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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