she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
